#Highly Sensitive People: I need your input!

I need your input! I’ve been struggling with an upcoming situation and I’m conflicted about what to do. My mother is going to have her 90th birthday on July 10th. That date comes out on a Thursday and my sisters want to celebrate on the weekend because of work schedules.

I’m a traditionalist and believe that a birthday should be celebrated on the exact day. Especially a milestone birthday such as this. Isn’t that why they call it a birthday?

I understand that everyone is busy, but I’m willing to adjust my schedule to do what I think is the right thing to do. The problem is that my sisters don’t feel the same way. The conflict remains that I don’t think that my sisters will change their minds. Last year we had separate celebrations.

I talked to my mother about this and she told me that she doesn’t care. I know that this isn’t true! She’s trying to keep peace. Am I being too “sensitive” about this?

My question is … Do I give in and go against what I truly believe or do I make plans to celebrate my mother’s birthday when it’s suppose to be? I know in my heart that this is what she wants to do. I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.

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18 Responses to #Highly Sensitive People: I need your input!

  1. Abbe says:

    Hi Cliff,
    Firstly, I want to say I really enjoy your newsletters! I think as highly sensitive people we always put other’s needs before our own. Sometimes, it’s just easier, but sometimes it’s really bad for us! Is your mother highly sensitive? I probably would do what works best for the family as a whole. Unfortunately, people have to work, have other obligations, etc. Perhaps, you and your mother could do something special, just the two of you, on her actual birthday. Thank you for your wonderful postings!!

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Hi Abbe,

      Thank you for your comment about my newsletter and blog posts! You’re right about highly sensitive people sometimes putting their needs before their own. My mother isn’t highly sensitive. I’m still giving it some thought about what I’m going to do. I’ll keep you posted!

  2. Myrna says:

    This is definitely an issue. In our family, due to busy work schedules, we generally had parties on the weekends. But we’d observe the day during the week with just us. Seems to me, you should do what’s right for your mom and you. Most moms don’t want to make trouble in the family. But your mom will surely appreciate it if you help her celebrate on the exact day. You could also let your sisters do what they want and then join them too.

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Hi Myrna,

      Thank you for your input! My mother doesn’t want to make trouble in the family. Unfortunately I go through this EVERY TIME there’s a holiday or celebration! My sisters are extremely inflexible and we usually have separate events. My mother’s 90th birthday is a different story. I’m still trying to figure out a solution that we all feel good about. Stay tuned!

  3. Terri says:

    Maybe you and your Mom can celebrate on her birthday, then have a family celebration on the weekend?

  4. Kay Chin says:

    It’s incredible that you get to celebarate her birthday at this age. Perhaps you can ask yourself these questions.

    1. What is this celebration mean to your mom, your family and you? 2. What are your values that are in conflict with your sister’s? 3. What is a win~win situation?

    Kay

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      You’re correct Kay, it is incredible that my family is able to celebrate my mother’s 90th birthday! Thank you for your very perceptive questions we need to ask ourselves! I’m still working on this. Stay tuned!

  5. Tracy says:

    I agree. I always like for my birthday to be celebrated ON my birthday. Since you feel strongly about it, I think ON the day is wonderful. If you’re able, you could also attend the family celebration on the weekend. This also gives you a special day with Mom… assuming you have a good relationship, this would be a great thing! Now on the other hand, some elderly folk are a pain. If this were to be the case for me, I would opt for just the birthday celebration of my choice, but not both celebrations. I think she’s a lucky mom, to have you caring about this subject, taking her feelings into consideration.

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Thank you for your input Tracy! It’s not easy to deal with my relatives! I do care about taking everybody’s feelings under consideration and want to please everyone! Easier said than done!! LOL I’ll let you know what happens.

  6. Sid says:

    Well I have a few thoughts. First your mother has already celebrated 89 birthdays. If she says she doesn’t care to wait a few days to celebrate it on the weekend, I believe her.
    It seems better to celebrate it if all of the family is together. My family has done the same thing when someones birthday is close to the weekend, we just wait till Sat of Sunday so more people can attend. Or have two celebrations. One on the actual day and another on the weekend. I try to remind myself not to make a mountain out of a molehill (which I tend to do).

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Thank you for your thoughts Sid! You’re right about me trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. LOL This should be an easy decision, but it’s not. Especially when I deal with my relatives! Stay tuned!

  7. Marina says:

    Everyone has different personal preferences.
    I often celebrate my birthday on the following weekend.
    But if it’s really important to you and your mom, why not
    have your own celebration on her day, and then also go to the
    big family gathering too? Unless your sisters have a history of
    being mean-spirited about these things in the past.

  8. Maria Cross says:

    I think people do have differing opinions on things like these. I personally don’t feel it is important that things get celebrated on the exact day. Acknowledge and remembered on the day Yes! but the celebration can be anytime that is suitable. The most important thing is that the person whose celebration it is for can fit it in!! I feel being together needs to come before anyone siblings choice and if your mum is happy for the weekend then why not. Maybe there will be another event where you can have the casting vote like your birthday. It does depend on history also – these things rarely come with just one event of ‘baggage’. Make sure this is about the person it is for – your mum, and not the baggage.

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Thank you for your input Maria! You’re very perceptive about the “baggage” part. My family and I have plenty to spread around with each other. That’s the reason why there is a problem with this. I’ll let you know what happens.

  9. Kristie says:

    Sounds like I agree with most. My hearts first answer was to celebrate with her yourself on the actual day, just the two of you. Would be a wonderful memory to have, wouldn’t it? Then you can join in the bigger celebration if you can on the weekend as well. It’s what I would do anyways. When the people we love get to that age it’s time to really cherish all of the time we get to spend with them. My grandmother is in her mid eighties and I relish any time with her knowing it may be the last. Thank you for always putting yourself out there with these posts Cliff. I really enjoy them. Best to you and your family!

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