#Highly Sensitive People: Is dealing with loss difficult for you?

It’s true that we never know what’s going to happen from day-to-day. Grief for a human being, a beloved pet, a lost relationship, a job loss, or a loss in any other form can be devastating. Deeply feeling highly sensitive people may experience a longer lasting feeling of grief and loss. It’s important that we have a strategy to help us through these difficult times.

I would like to give you some of the strategies that help me in    difficult times. They are as follows:

* Don’t minimize your loss. Don’t ignore the importance of your loss or be embarrassed by it. Be patient with yourself and give yourself enough time to work through your feelings.

* Share your feelings and seek comfort from others. Talk about your feelings with your family and friends. It’s okay to cry if you need to. Don’t be ashamed to seek professional help if you need it.

* Make the time to rest. Since emotional and physical energy can be easily depleted by grief, it’s extremely important to exercise self-care when coping with intense emotions. We have to take the time to re-charge our batteries by having enough alone time and getting our proper rest.

*Remember the good times. It’s very helpful to remember the good times associated with your loss, whether it be a person, pet, job loss, etc.  You can always glean some “happiness nuggets” from these losses. Remembering a happy event or lessons learned will help you.

*Have a proper ending. A proper ending for your loss is a very individualized thing. It’s important that you do what’s comfortable and appropriate for you.

I have a problem going to funerals, but I go to them to pay the proper respect to the individual and their families. Although I feel drained, emotional and physically, after them, I have a good feeling that I did the right thing and helped others by my presence. I’m not afraid to show my emotions to others. If I feel like crying, I do. The “right” people will understand. It’s important for everyone to vent their emotions. Don’t make yourself sick by keeping your feelings inside.

A proper ending for job loss might be to move forward and take what you’ve learned to use it to be in a better situation.

* Can good losses be stressful? Yes they can! Newlyweds and parents can definitely relate to this. They are losing a life that they had before and trading it in for a happier and more fulfilling life. Even a good change can be very stressful. Give yourself enough time to make adjustments.

Are losses difficult for you? How do you cope with them? I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.

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10 Responses to #Highly Sensitive People: Is dealing with loss difficult for you?

  1. Tracy says:

    Thanks, Cliff… very useful (and timely) information.

  2. Terri says:

    Hi Cliff,
    Your article came at a most appropriate time. We lost our beloved cattle dog a few weeks ago, and had family members move out, also, so it’s like a double loss. I’ve had people tell me to get over it, but they are not highly sensitive so don’t understand.

    Thanks, Terri

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Hi Terri,

      I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. I’m an animal lover, so I understand how you feel about your dog. Any type of change is very stressful for all of us, whether you’re highly sensitive or not.

      You have to give yourself enough time to grieve. We are all different and this time might vary from person to person. Highly sensitive people can’t turn their feelings on and off like a faucet. We can’t just get over our intense feelings easily.

      I’m glad that my article helped you. Refer to it often and use my tips. Feel free to pass this information on to others.

      Best Regards,
      Cliff

  3. Ann Brown says:

    Cliff thankyou for your very thoughtful tips on how to deal with grief and loss. Yes, I find loss very difficult – I’m thinking particularly about deaths in close family (of which I’ve had several). One thing I’ve allowed myself is to grieve in my own timescale, and not to anyone else’s – so if it takes me years, rather than weeks or months, to get to a certain ‘stage’ of grief, then that’s fine. (There was sometimes a feeling that I ‘should’ be getting through it quicker than I was – but I dispelled that feeling – particularly in light of my sensitivity. It takes as long as it takes..
    I also agree with you about letting feelings out – it’s so much healthier if you can release your tears when you need to (and not bottle them up for fear of others’ disapproval).
    I certainly feel loss very deeply, due to my sensitivity I think, yet I also have the capacity to feel great joy in equal measure.

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      Hi again Ann,

      Thank you for your comments about my blog post.

      Very important point to grieve on your own timetable! Grief does takes as long as it takes.

      Venting our feelings is critical for our sanity and well-being. Whatever it takes, crying, talking to a trusted friend life coach,counselor,etc.

      Another excellent point Ann…HSPS feel loss very deeply, but do have the capacity to feel great joy!

      Good stuff Ann!

  4. David Spear says:

    I’m afraid I have to strongly disagree with “Remember the good times”. That greatly increases the sense of loss. I unfortunately have to block the many many wonderful times out from the loss of my wife 2 years ago. I hate to do that and hope I will eventually find a way of not needing this. But for now, I might commit suicide if I didn’t.

    • Cliff Harwin says:

      I’m sorry for your loss David. Give yourself enough time to grieve. Seek counseling if you feel lost. Have patience. The passage of time will put things in their proper perspective and you’ll be able to move on with your life. There’s no reason why you can’t have other good times in your life. It sounds like had a very loving relationship with your late wife. Do you think that she would want you to suffer? Again give yourself enough time to grieve. I hope this helps you.

  5. David Spear says:

    Thank you for your kind response. I’ve known from the first that my wife doesn’t want me to grieve. I hope I am not disturbing her. I’ve read that grieving can last 10 years. But I’m exhausted now. I’ve gone to various councilors for other things, with only fair results. Still, I am considering that. My current thought is that this is a mid-life crisis, since I have to block out the very wonderful life we had together. I make myself do new things which I do enjoy. But the grief pops up, seemingly forever, whenever I see a reminder.

  6. Cliff says:

    Again David, give yourself enough time to grieve. It varies from person to person. Do things that you enjoy and don’t block out the wonderful times that you had with your late wife. Hopefully this will encourage you to have more wonderful times.

    If the grief pops up, put it in its proper place and don’t let it put a damper on your life.

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